sunshine, cupcakes & mittins

this is a beautiful day.

a friend made some cupcakes, and gave some to me.
n.n

i realized i'm not quite a failure in English.

i talked to the soon-to-be CCC president,
and nearly convinced him to buid a treehouse on CCC property.
i saw two grown men dancing in the theatre room...
i wore lace socks.

on top of all this, i found mittins.
they are hand knit, and they even have spaces to hold someones hand while you are wearing them...
i gave them to lost and found,

the security man told me to come back in sixty days (july 2nd) and he would give them to me if no one had taken them yet.

i put it in my phone calender,

i will come back for those beautiful middens.

monster

I’ve got a plank in my face; it’s bruising the spaces around my eyes.
I’ve got my fists clenched tight; I started to lose sight of the brilliant blue sky.

I’ve got a problem—I can’t lift my face on my own anymore,
I’ve gotten to be broken, my hands are tied, only Jesus can restore. 

i still feel like a monster, small grabbing claws and black eye sockets. i am saved, but i need this alter-ego stripped from me. quick.

with all the fever in my mind...

hundreds of words deleted, erased,
a whistle over summer air
the piper sings his song.

wrap blankets 'round me and cover my face,
stifled breath, tangled hair
the liar's never wrong.

pour out the old- you will be replaced,
show your teeth, bright and bare
the child will be strong.

lock the diamond in a pretty-glass case,
hand out glitter-rocks in pairs
the secret is kept long.

hundreds of words, deleted, erased.
the liar's never wrong.
pour out the old- will I be replaced?
the secret is kept long,
the secret is kept long.

Easter -- love will set your soul on fire.

If the Jesus I follow told us to turn the other cheek (matthew 5:39), how can I be at rest with the idea of war, of Just-war, or of the death penalty? Is our job as human beings to judge? To decide when another soul must face a "deserved" punishment of death?

Jesus does not look at sins on a scale, as if my self-pity and my anger are lesser sins than murdering. I cannot justify, within myself, the idea of war anymore.

By extension, I am choosing a path of nonviolence and commitment to loving, and  to learning what it means to love. I am claiming pacifism in the sense that I no longer believe in violence as an answer to major problems in governmental, individual, or social systems. Another world is possible!

War happens. It is a result of the evil in this world. I may not be able to prevent it, I am only one person. I am not out to boycott the military, or demean soldiers...

Both soldiers and civilians, US government and foreign officials have my love. Not because they are doing what is right, but because they are loved by Christ. Not because I agree with what they stand for, but because Jesus gave up his life for us all.

We are all broken.
and we are all capable of such beauty, and resilience.

What I plan to do is this: love as Christ first loved me, and forgive as He forgives me. I have read about love, and I have claimed to know love. Yet, these past few months in my life I sort of had all of that stripped from me, I felt like I did not know what love was. I was afraid of love, I ran from it like a disease. The amount of fear I felt could not exist in unity with love-- love casts out fear (I'm not talking about the holy fear of the Lord here btw).

Somehow, between reading good books, communing with beautiful broken people and with my perfect Savior... fear was cast out of my life long enough for me to catch the flame of love again..

it has the most beautiful embodiment, like perfect harmonies and definite smile lines. My ribs are exploding!!

I don't know how to make you understand what is going on in my heart and my mind. I just know that I'll never be the same.







resouces:
Matthew 5
The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne
Ecclesiastes 12:6-
Throw by Son Lux

a poem by Lorca

That which travels,
clouds itself.

The running water

can see no stars.

That which travels

forgets itself.

And that which halts itself

dreams.

"Running" by Federico Garcia Lorca

It reminds me to once in a while, stop running from all the things I hide in my little shell from.

my life is getting messed up

because I want to live how Jesus did. His way was not always easy, he loved the outcasts. He brought what was dead back to life, he met immediate and long-term needs of his friends and followers. He kept nothing for himself-- he gave his love, his time, and his possessions away to those who needed it. He was kind and compassionate and sometimes furious. Furious at evil, hatred, greed or selfishness. He did not judge. He spoke truth.

If I follow him, that means I am going to have to give up myself, and lay down my life for my brothers and sisters.

It means I no longer come first.

comment your ideas about:
-what you think about Christians
-what you think about war
-what you think about giving everything you have away
-what you think about Jesus
-what you think about your day today

in-dependence

Who decided individual independence was good? Was it the one who stopped forgiving and trusting people? Was it the one who enjoyed the power of control? Or was it the one with a heart and a desire to better themselves and those around them?

Independence has taken a strange face in this generation. It means being self-sufficient, taking neither help-- nor bribes, from anyone. "Independent" has become a label for women who work full time, live on their own, or support a family by themselves. It means we can trust no one, and depend on no one.

It may be true that marginalized or abused people must fight for their group independence, and a child must grow responsible and live independent of their parents-- to an extent.

However, I believe we have lost the meaning of life if we become so independent that we no longer trust people. It is not good for man to be alone.

I believe we were created to be dependent, to love and be loved and know love; we were created to live in-dependence.